You should know these 10 things, if you can’t have an orgasm

Only 57% of women experience an orgasm with their partners almost every time. Others, well we all have our bad days or nights. Why? What’s the main difference between an orgasm and sneezing? What to do, if you just do not feel it, should you still hope?


Lots of women are familiar with this scenario. Your focusing so intently on the, uh, “destination” can often mean forgetting to enjoy the journey. Moreover, far too many women have never reached an orgasm with a partner or at all, so what does this orgasm-centric outlook mean for their sex lives?

So, let’s just find out what experts, family medicine physician and clinical sexologist Dr. Rachael Ross, and sex therapist Vanessa Marin, can tell us about not having an orgasm.

1. Some women can easily reach an orgasm on their own, but never with a partner

A survey published in the April 2015 issue of Cosmopolitan mirrored these findings: 8 percent of women between the ages of 25 and 29 reported having never had an orgasm, compared to 16 percent of 18- to 24-year-olds.

2. No, not every woman who can’t orgasm feels like it’s the end of the world

When one woman listens to every single advice, another just gets back to business. The solution is somewhere in-between: perhaps it’s better not to get obsessed with it, while still trying some new things.

3. Your orgasm depends on a lot of factors

Whether it’s a mental, emotional, even a physical problem, the point is there isn’t anything ‘wrong’ with you that can’t be fixed. Not reaching orgasm is an issue for many women and doesn’t mean they will never reach an orgasm. The most common mistake is to become obsessed with having an orgasm instead of just enjoying sex.

4. Sex still can be great without an orgasm

“It’s just not something that I really feel is missing in my life,” say a woman who never had an orgasm. “It’s normal, I don’t go out of my way to make it happen.” Dr. Ross agrees: some women will just never reach the big O — you can still enjoy sex.

5. A lot of women just fake it

67% of women who took part in a survey admitted to having faked an orgasm. 97% of them did it to spare their partners’ feelings, to end sex more quickly, or both. Well, we’ve already told you why you should not do that.

6. Communicating with your partner is a key

Try to direct him with precise instructions. Men love this. If you’re too shy and can’t get your mouth to say it, pull him toward you, move him to where you want him to be.

7. Misinformation about the female orgasm can also make it a lot more difficult to orgasm with a partner.

We don’t talk about female orgasm very openly in our society. There are a lot of guys out there who are well-intentioned and want to be good partners, and they have a lot of misinformation too. Or you know, they may have had partners in the past who always faked it, so they think that they’re doing things right.

8. Medication could be messing with your orgasm

If you’re currently taking antidepressants or anti-anxiety pills, this could be stalling your climax or preventing you from becoming aroused at all. Ask your doctor about other medicine.

9. Don’t be afraid to consult a sex therapist

How do you know when it’s time to reach out for professional help? With the orgasm thing, when it comes to the point where it has consumed pretty much all of your sex life, if it’s consuming your thoughts, you really need to seek help.

10. You can have control over your orgasm

A belief that orgasm should just happen by itself is a common mistake among many women. It’s not a reflex like sneezing— your body just inherently knows how to do it and it just does it without any intervention. Orgasm is like a skill. It’s something that you have to learn, you have to practice, you have to figure out how it works.


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