By Bunmi Sofola
WHY do women drink more these days? According to 52-year-old Vivian who owns a couple of well-stocked supermarkets: “Alcohol is warming, cheering and temporarily gives you courage. A first drink togs the brain, wobbles the perception, relaxes the limbs, pushes harsh thoughts down. Its spreading vapour seems to fill a dark hole of uncertainly and shame inside you. And uncertainty and shame are a curse of female nature. Men feel these things too, but when a man fails at a task, gets a hard time from his boss, feels patronised or bungles a promotion interview, he may find it easy to mutter: ‘Bastard!’
“Women, on the other hand, like to keep the peace and so are fatally prone to internalise humiliation. But where Mr. Angry would probably get over the nasty feelings by (at least temporarily) placing all the blame on the tormentor, we females have a dreadful tendency to hug the pain to our breasts. ‘Oh … that’s right. I deserved that … I am rubbish!’ We lie awake tormenting with self-doubt. And what makes things feel better? What is warming and encouraging, never judges you and gets you to sleep quick?
“Often enough, it is something in a glass. Have enough and you’re likely to slur ‘Bashtards!’ with conviction and wash the doubt away. The damage it does, does not seem to matter. Not at the time …
Painting a vivid picture of this damage is freshly qualified medical doctor, 26 year old Pamela. According to her; “As a medical doctor, what bothers me most about my generation’s heavy drinking habits is that we don’t really know what the effects will be when we’re older. Working in a cardio thorasic unit, I see the horrible, damaging effects of what heavy smoking in the Fifties, Sixties and “Seventies did to what is now the older generation. Are we, like them simply ignoring the health warnings, this time about alcohol, and storing up a whole lot of problems for our future?
“I’m by no means not preaching. Like most women of my generation, I started drinking when I was 14. Back then, it was three or four bottles of coloured alcopops such as Smirnoff Ice or Bacardi Breezers at a friend’s house party. We’d all get drunk and yes, usually vomit.
“On a couple of occasions, one or two had to be taken to the clinic because they’d over done it. When I look back, it makes me so sad that we felt peer pressure at such a young age. I kept drinking throughout school. In fact, my worst hangover was probably when I was 17 and drank so much that I vomited copiously. My mum was not impressed. but at that age you believe you’re invincible. And when you go to university, your entire social life is based around drinking. At the university, nearly all the events and gigs were based around cheap drink. A typical big night out would involve a bottle of wine each at the flat I shared with friends before heading out to a disco or club where we’d drink vodka and cokes.
“I still drink and still get drunk – but far less than I used to. I don’t even like the taste of alcohol, but if everyone’s drinking, you join in. I tend to drink white or rose wine and sometimes, like most of my friends, suffer memory lapses, even if I’ve had only two or three glasses. Sometimes 1 wake up with a hangover and “think, ‘What a waste of a night’ because there’s so little I can remember. Thank goodness my friends and I tend to go out in big groups and look after each other.
“I’ve cut back on alcohol in recent months. As a full-time medical doctor, I’m much more aware of the damage it does to your body. Every illness I’ve come across seems to involve alcohol – whether it is heart disease or cancer – and that’s when you realise the time bomb we could be facing. This generation of middle-aged women is already paying the price of their wine habits. But I think the toll on my generation will be even worse.”
Seeing The Lights?! (Humour)
“Doctor, doctor,” said the simple farmer. “The wife’s collapsed out in the field, I think our baby’s coming.” As quickly as possible, he showed the doctor his wife laying on the ground moaning. “I don’t think there’s time to move her” said the doctor, “we’ll have to deliver the baby now. Quick, it’s getting dark, shine the light over here”. Within minutes, the baby was born. a fit and healthy 71 b boy.
“Congratulations!” beamed the doctor. “Let’s get them back to the house.” But all of a sudden, the wife began to moan again. “Quick, bring the light back over,” urged the doctor and a minute later “another baby boy was born. “So you have twins,” said the doctor happily, “I think this calls for a double celebration.” But again the woman began to moan and again the doctor called for the “light. Just in time for another baby boy.
“Well, well, well!” gasped the doctor, “I never expected this!” The bewilder father picked up his three sons as the doctor helped the woman to her feet. But, alas, she fell to the ground in agony. “”Quick man, put the babies down, I think there’s another baby coming. Get the light.” The farmer sighed. “With all due respect doctor, don’t you think it’s this bloody light that’s attracting them?”
Top Five Bedroom Tips
For Him: Make sure you’re clean and shave! Beard stubble feels like sandpaper. Don’t pinch her nipples. Most women simply don’t like it. When a woman says ‘that’s it’, she means just that. She doesn’t mean do it harder.
Follow your lead. Women often touch where they want to be touched. The pressure she uses indicates how firm or light she’d like your touch to be. Finally, slow down. Teasing is very sexy!
For Her: Don’t go to the action spot first, make him wait! It’ll turn him on even more. Men are visual creatures. Consider asking him if he’d like to watch you. Suck on a mint before pleasuring him. It provides a tingling sensation many men love. Most men like to be touched more firmly than women. Try scratching in a wavy “motion down the inside of his arms, thighs or neck. Obviously, be more gentle with his genital. Trim his public hair as part of foreplay.